ESPL Week 5: News and Reviews

coveresplWe have another week of action to relay to you and we have a bombshell announcement that we’ll also be relaying from founder DJ Allen! Can you handle the suspense?


“Only two draws this week,” said Martin Thomas, ESPL commentator, “One to open the week and the other to close the week. There is some movement on the table but the most noticeable item on the table this week is the lone club without a win or a draw: Octagon. Clubs seem to be settling into their places early in the season and I can’t think of a better way to start this off than by passing the torch to my cohost, David Archer.”

“Thank you, Martin,” said David Archer, ESPL commentator. “Naval Armada takes the control over the table by a higher goal difference. This week, though, it’s only a two club race. Armada seems to be trying to make a statement that Gothica is not going to push them around. Both clubs won but Armada had a clean sheet for their efforts at Citrus LF.”

“I was surprised that Gothica didn’t have the same type of performance at home,” said Thomas. “It seems that they would have had a stronger showing on their home pitch.”

“That was definitely not the case this week. Naval Armada takes top marks with the largest win, the highest number of goals this week, and they are only one of two clubs to win on the road this week, the other being Wordsmiths.”

“Can we talk about Wordsmiths?”

“Absolutely,” said Archer. “Wordsmiths scored all their goals in the first half, two by Calvin Casey, and they held on to beat the Shamrock Celtic powerhouse in their own stadium, marking the first stumble in the Celtic goal to remain a title contender.”

“In some situations like this, David, it’s often that the losing side did something to foul up their own chances, opening the door for their opponents to capitalize on the mistake. Celtic didn’t make any such mistake, they just couldn’t put the football in the goal.”

“Arak Shemin and Ron Terrell were the two goal scorers for Celtic and you are correct, Martin, Celtic just couldn’t get an equalizer or a winning goal into the net. Plenty of yellow cards for both sides, too, but Celtic just didn’t seem to be playing championship football.”

“Any early predictions on the championship this year?” asked Thomas.

“I’m going out on a limb and saying Gothica is going to repeat this year.”

“They are the safe bet, really. I believe that Naval Armada has a chance but Emerald United seems to be the sleeping giant waiting for those two clubs to flub just enough to watch them walk through to take the cup at the end.”

“Emerald United, then?”

“I will actually stick with Naval Armada. Things will change as we move into the season, as usual.”

“Now, we move to a special announcement from the founder and owner of the ESPL, DJ Allen,” said Archer. “We will have some commentary after the announcement.”

“Good evening, ESPL fans and media,” said DJ Allen. “I am here to make an announcement, two actually, about the future of the ESPL. We are a successful league, we show a lot of promise, and the potential for what the ESPL can be and do has no limit. I’m pleased to be presenting these two items to you at this time, showing the league will be growing for the future.

“The first phase of this announcement is by far the biggest one I can deliver. There has been much speculation as to what kinds of limits the ESPL will be placing on players allowed to play in the league. Early this year, there was a petition to allow women to play in the league, not in their own league, but along side their male counterparts. Starting with season three, women will be allowed to be signed by any club that wishes to sign them. At this time I’m making this announcement, there have only been three women who have expressed their interest in playing in the ESPL and as soon as this season ends, they’ll be free to be signed in the off season. The ESPL is the first league in the world to open the doors to this type of collaborative play between the sexes. We, the ESPL, are expecting there to be many, many more women who will be interested in playing in the league.

“That leads into my second announcement. We expanded the league from twelve clubs to sixteen clubs for season two. This is already showing to be a popular move, with even the new clubs drawing larger crowds than expected in stadium. We believe that the time for another expansion is at hand. Rather than expanding two or four clubs, making the ESPL eighteen to twenty member clubs strong, we are creating the largest expansion of any league in any nation at one time because we believe that the ESPL is missing something.

“Starting in 2019, the ESPL will be introducing a ‘tier 2’ to the ESPL pyramid, the first such expansion in the league’s history. The league will be known as League 2, awaiting a promotional sponsor for expanding the identity, and League 2 will introduce twelve new clubs into the fray. The ESPL and League 2 clubs will compete for the talent that is already present in the league, plus any new players coming in between now and then. Following the 2019 season, the bottom three clubs of the ESPL will be relegated into League 2 and the top club of League 2 will win automatic promotion into the ESPL. To fill the other two ESPL slots, the next four clubs, ranked second through fifth, will compete in a mini-playoff to determine the two clubs to be promoted into the ESPL.

“Finishing up, any future expansion of new cubs of the ESPL and League 2 will happen at the League 2 level, allowing the possibility of future league expansions to accommodate clubs into the future. The playoff promotion system will be tweaked as necessary and if we decide the ESPL needs to be eighteen clubs, a bigger promotion opportunity would be granted for that specific year.

“I want to thank you all for enjoying the ESPL and I hope that you’ll all enjoy the League 2 just as much.”

“What a bombshell, David,” said Martin Thomas. “Two bombshells, really. Women and men playing without barriers and an entirely new league coming to the pyramid system in 2019.”

“Some would state that we don’t have a pyramid system at this point,” said David Archer. “But with the inclusion of League 2, we add a tier to the potential pyramid that the system could eventually bloom into. Will creating League 2 give more potential club owners an opportunity to try to get a club and have the system expand to a League 3, League 4, or maybe even a multiple league tier feeding into League 2. The opportunity here is enormous.”

“Absolutely, David. unfortunately, we are running out of time and we will be back next week with more ESPL action.”

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