I sit here, at 7 AM on a Sunday, wide awake since 4 AM this morning thinking: what should I do to pass the time while I wait for everyone else to wake up so I can do something more productive than sitting here in front of my computer typing? Well, that’s what I can do.

It also occurs to me that this column should also be called “Life Specter,” because I don’t even know how much of this contains information from my actual day to day…

The reason I named the column Life Specter is because that sometimes life gets in the way. You have a job that suddenly wants you to work more hours, complain about the hours that you work, and then say you’re a piece of garbage for working so many hours because you shouldn’t have done it in the first place… when they asked you to. Sometimes you can’t just sit at home and not think about work, or that asshole that cut you off in traffic, so you’re distracted and your focus is all over the place. What I’m saying is that mental health is as much a part of physical health as the proper diet is to effective exercise.

Damn… that sounds philosophical.

Sleep is one of the biggest components to healthy living. Ideally, for those of us wishing to lose some weight, sleep is the best time to do that because guess what you aren’t doing while you’re sleeping: eating calories. You can’t sleep too much, otherwise the body goes into some weird “hibernation mode” and then it starts storing fat because you’re not eating. It’s a delicate balance.

As you can imagine, sleep is foremost on my mind at the moment. Hint: it’s because on the sole day that I have to sleep in, I’m wide awake and typing up a column before the NFL playoff game I am interested in seeing starts. Talking about sleep, now that I’m not getting it, makes me realize that I am going to be suffering from other issues today, hindering any progress I was planning to make.

Let’s talk about what I was expecting to do today.

First, I was going to have the NFL game on in the background and be cleaning up the kitchen from the wonderful meal my wife made the night before… I was also going to tidy up the living room because that’s where I planned on doing some weight training while the game was on. While I still have a niggling little back issue, I was planning on doing weight movements that didn’t require a lot of my lower back (or would help strengthen it without sending me back to bed with a strained muscle). I was highly motivated to start getting that done and then the mental issues started, which lead to me being up at a stupid hour, which leads me to being tired (fatigued), which will probably lead to me not doing as much (or as correctly, if I still do these things… which I’m still planning to do) as I was going to do.

In short: my mental state is not where it should be and that is why I’m writing.

You have to be honest with yourself. I tend to dwell on things, I just can’t help myself, and that leads me to end up getting angry about possible (or past) events that I have zero control over. Let’s say I have a confrontation at work with someone, for however long I’m bothered by that incident I’ll mentally dwell on what happened and what could have happened until I’m so exhausted that I can’t even think anymore… that isn’t healthy. Distraction becomes an important part of getting through these things and believe me I’m trying to distract that crap outta myself but it isn’t working. That’s why I started writing.

I need an outlet for my mental state and since the normal distractions aren’t working, I’m going to try doing something different today than I have in the past: I’m going to use the workout AS the distraction. I’ll let you know how that goes.

As an update, since the last column I wrote, I am down 4 pounds. I was 316 this morning and it’s time to start locking into the eating pattern that got me down so many pounds before… which means that I’m going to be eating a lot of home cooking and that also means that my wife has motivation to start coming up with new and interesting combinations of food that will keep things on track. Her idea, not mine… though I’ll take it.

We have not eaten out since Tuesday (today is Sunday, as I said), and there is no plan to eat out before this coming Tuesday. I have cravings now and then and when we eat out, I normally need to fill that craving instead of making the smart choice (like having a salad like I should). I’m working on that but first I need to get back into the swing of working out again… that starts today.

I leave you now letting you know I am about to eat my first food of the day. I have a Peanut Toffee Buzz Cliff bar and a banana. I’d just eat the Cliff bar but the bananas are sitting there calling out to me, so I figured they’re healthy enough to be listened to… and I’m probably going to be a lot happier for the choice, too. I am also taking some supplements from GNC, supplements that helped me lose all the weight before. Since taking them, I’ve been consistently lower in weight (the fluctuations don’t go as high, either) than I was before I was taking them. My current goal is to be under 300 before the end of February. I’d like to say January but I want to set some realistic goals, and ones that don’t require a lot of stress to achieve. I have enough stress at work.

Until next time…

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